Dems Vow to Gain Senate Majority By ‘Packing the Chamber’

Mitch to be ousted

President-elect Joe Biden, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, and Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer are once again up to their usual shenanigans.

Having lost their bid to gain the Senate majority in the election but having retained control of the House, they are now poised to overturn the will of the people by bestowing statehood on Guam and other US territories.

All of the proposed territories are friendly to Democrats and will likely result in ten additional senate seats occupied by Democrats added to the existing 100 seats, handing them a 60-50 seat advantage and thus the trifecta of the presidency, the senate, and the house, not to mention a supermajority in the senate.

A little known clause in the constitution that has not been invoked since the founding of the country allows the president to provide provisional statehood to US territories by executive order, provided the House confirms that order. The senate then has one year to vote to confirm the executive order, after which statehood becomes permanent.

The Democrats are gambling that all 10 of the new provisional senators will vote to confirm statehood, thus making their own appointments permanent.

In addition to Guam, Democrats are eying Puerto Rico, DC, the US Virgin Islands, and the Island of Dr. Moreau.

In a sign of just how quickly Democrats want to implement their plan, they have already provided a slate of Senate candidates in each territory, some of whom appear to be of somewhat questionable character. They are:

  • Guam
    • Cletus Derpfinger, bartender at the Dancing Sandwiches B.J. Bar and Bistro
    • Steven L. Ashbaucher, nursing home resident
  • Puerto Rico
    • Esteban Contreras, local giggolo
    • Ricky Martin of “La Vida Loca” fame, singer
  • DC
    • Joe Barron, paid liberal troll
    • Michael Steele, former RNC chair turned RINO
  • US Virgin Islands
  • Island of Dr. Moreau
    • Edward Prendick, narrator and protagonist
    • Captain Davis, skipper of the SS Ipecacuanha

We attempted to reach Mitch McConnell’s office for comment only to be told “GFYS with that bullshit”.

About Watt A Plonker 28 Articles
Watt A. Plonker is a Wurlitzer Prize winning journalist and author of several books on Potato Farming. His latest book, "The Tantalizing Truth About Taters" was on the New York Times best seller list and was awarded the prestigious Creme de la Menthe prize for Culinary Science Fiction. Mr. Plonker lives in Peckham, South East London with his wife Gladys, who is a nurse with the National Health Service, and his pet hamster Rodney.

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