Biden Officially Declares September : “Muslammic American Month”


Salaam.  Were you aware that September is National Potato Month?  It’s true.  Declared officially in 1721 by then-president Joseph “Where’s my glasses?” Barron as a payoff to potato farmers who had organized to make the french fry America’s only side dish, (the movement was squashed by the amalgamated Union of Jalapeno Stuffers), traditional festivities include bobbing for turnips and “potaseball.”

Derek PaJeter is looking a little fuzzy today. Don’t expect any hash browns with that Grand Slam.

Earlier today, President Joe Biden had been tooling around in the White House archives, and had unfortunately fallen into a basket of salami.  The luncheon meat had just arrived as a gift from Italy’s prime minister Martina Navratalova.

As the commander in chief charcuterie was completed, Biden had a dream that afternoon, that all of God’s children, Jews and gentiles, protestants and Catholics, and Islam and Amish could join hands and sing in the street : “No one cares about The Eternals…No one cares about The Eternals…Where is Doctor Strange 2?”

When he awoke, Biden shook his head dazedly and began writing up Act 1181, “Muslim Month of Muslamity”, which will officially recognize September as a festival of Muslammic Muslimity.  The month will be sponsored by Hank’s Hummus Amongus.  “Hummus.  It’s beans with sesame juice.”

Due to the placement of September the 11th, the official date of the terrible and tragic attack on the United States, some people like celebrity shit peddler Tucker Carlson have sat in a corner peeing themselves.

“It’s wrong, wrong, wrong.  Why don’t we have months for Samoan people or Spider Men?  Because this is America, dammit.  All of those days are for Americans.  Not hoodly hoo speaking nonsense about virgins and jihad.  This is an outrage.  Pandering at it’s best.”

This is pandering at it’s worst. Look at those dumb fuckers.

Carlson, who has extensive knowledge of the Muslim faith due to his ownership of the Aladdin DVD is currently resting after the announcement in a San Jose, California mental hospital.

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