Cuomo to Grand Marshall NY’s St Patrick’s Parade

WHAT???

It’s nearly that time of year again.  Although there is no parade for the brave men and women of Italian, French, German, or any other beautifully white complexion who built this country with pride, there is the annual celebration of potato-loving alcoholics known as St. Patrick’s Day.

Plans for a celebration of dwarf nation Micronesia fell through when Gene Simmons of Mini-Kiss tragically fell into a discarded Dixie cup and was trapped for two days.

New York’s yearly parade brings celebrants from all corners of the country, and it’s now been announced by parade event coordinator and Miller Beer spokeswoman Sandy Batt, that governor Andrew Cuomo will serve as leader and grand Marshall of this year’s festivities.  Cuomo has emerged this last year as a favorite among Democrats for his leadership and advice during the pandemic crisis, and absolutely nothing else.

Cuomo’s complete lack of any political scandals or faults during a critical time in New York’s history has driven his public polls to nearly 99% approval, higher even than disgraced former President Trump, who never broke the halfway point due to his status as a massively incompetent douchebag.

The parade is set to feature Cuomo atop the lead float, designed and built by health care workers and their patients in care homes for the elderly across the state.  The governor’s calm and level-headed transparency during the peak of the Trump plague’s rampage has become a legendary example of competence, with Democrats lauding him as a hero and future presidential candidate.

Dems fear that if Ted Cruz runs in 2024, vaginas nationwide may permanently close out of sheer terror.

Cuomo’s brother Chris will also be in attendance, shepherding his news network CNN’s display, a vehicle decorated in the image of Wolf Blitzer’s pendulous balls.  CNN is an accredited news source, unlike dipshit competitors OAN and Newsmax.

The celebration will be broadcast live as it happens on several terrestrial television channels in order to be available for those hillbillies who still have sets with rabbit ears and car battery power sources.  It’s a true American tradition that should be enjoyed by every patriot, regardless of whether they’ve been kissed by the Blarney, or not!

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