Chelsea Announces Run in 2024

UH OH!

The United States has always had it’s share of political dynasties.  From John and John Quincy Adams to George and George W. Bush, to Richard and Mojo Nixon, many times Americans feel more comfortable with an established “brand”, so to speak.

Nine Fast and Furious movies, and only one “Last Starfighter”? WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!

After the overwhelmingly successful presidency of her father, and the failed run, but myriad list of political accomplishments by her mother, now Chelsea Clinton says she is prepared to step up to bat and run for President.  Oddsmakers already have her narrowly defeating both Donald Trump, should he be able to try again, and his clone who passed elementary school, Florida governor Ron DeSantis.

Clinton biographer and Space Ghost Coast-to-coast Haiku Contest Runner-up Joe Barron told Queefing Stone magazine that the youngest Email butterer has a formidable host of bona fides.

“At only 41, she brings a breath of fresh air into play against her older competitors.  That does well with younger voters, who are steadily becoming the majority as Trump’s cult of elderly racist boomers slip away from the plague he mismanaged and the lack of health care that he removed.”

“She is the head of the global health initiative, a celebrated author, and has the money and power of the Clinton family behind her.  She also holds the world’s record high score in Dig Dug and invented the regular-head screwdriver.  Take that, Phillips.  Suck it.”

Clinton’s only weakness may be a trail of aborted Tamagotchis uncovered by crack journalists at Project Veritas.

Although some pundits like Sean Hannity, the mutants on Fox and Friends, and former Reagan ball mopper Mark Levin feel that the stigma of the Clinton name may hurt Chelsea as it did her mother in 2016, others feel certain that this time around, Mark Zuckerberg will get right on top of all the paid political hacks that advertise on the social media platform and pretend she’s a secret serial killer who drinks the blood of children.

And…reported.

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