Candace Owens Turns Down Chris Wallace’s Old Job

Candace Owens has decided to turn down Fox News’ offer for her to take over Chris Wallace’s job at a whopping $5.2 million per year. Wallace, who left Fox to join the libs at CNN, made about a tenth of that.

Owens said it was hard for her to turn the job down, because Fox is a dream for a conservative woman, especially a conservative woman of color. Alas, this particular opportunity was not for her.

Fox Executive News Editing Production Manager, Joe Barron, says the network is devastated over the news:

“We had high hopes that Candace would bring her firebrand here to make that Sunday slot a bit more emotional. It’s always so serious. Chris Wallace was many things, but entertaining was not one of them.

“We’re gonna double the offer and see if she reconsiders.”

Candace’s PR manager, Art Tubolls, says the decision was hard, but it was also way too easy. He says Candace is “so hot right now,” and that she’s not cooling down anytime soon.

We look forward to wherever she may land.

This is, in no way, a distraction to get you to click a shiny ad while the people with critical thinking skills move on.

According to Candace herself, that won’t be with a “wimpy” network like Fox. “They’re a bunch of pussies,” she told a pal, “Tucker freaking Carlson is your extremist? Pfffft. He’s not qualified to lick the sweat from my conspiracy theories. Tucker freaking Carlson.”

Well that certainly clears things up, patriots. Candace can’t work at Fox, because even they think she’s nuts. Good for her.

God bless America.

About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 408 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.