California to Ban Knives Over Five Inches

The truth is right in front of you

Californians are set to lose yet another right to the liberal communist mobs as Governor Newsom has passed the “Length Act” which will ban the possession and ownership of all bladed items over the length of five inches.

Newsom held a press conference today, explaining the reasoning behind the law and how he plans to enforce it.

“Look, we’ve already banned guns, but that has done nothing to stop stabbings. We need to stop criminals from penetrating innocent victims with items over five inches. If it’s under five inches, it doesn’t hurt as badly and isn’t lethal so that’s why we chose that number.

As far as enforcement goes, all peace officers will be armed with tape measures and billy clubs. They will now have the authority to stop anyone suspected of packing heat, and will be able to whip out their tape measure to see how long it is.

If the blade is found to be over five inches, the peace officer will be required to beat the offender with the billy club.

According to our studies, this law will stop 90 percent of all penetrations in the state by the end of the year. No one will be penetrating in California if I have anything to say about it.”

Republicans are already vowing to sue Newsom for what they call “long shaming”.

“Just because we have big ones, doesn’t mean they have to punish us. This is America. If you’re fortunate enough to have a long one, then why should you lose it to big government? Democrats are really crossing the line with this one.”

The only hope for freedom now is with the lawsuit against this unjust law. If it is not overturned, the America we know and love will be gone for good.

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