Justice Dept. Sues Kyle Rittenhouse’s Charity Foundation For Disadvantaged Youth

Reps greene and boebert furious

Well that didn’t take long.

Less than two weeks after its establishment, the Kyle Rittenhouse Foundation is being sued by Merrick Garland’s Justice Department, which has also issued a cease and desist order demanding that the foundation “immediately cease operations and forthwith hand over all assets to the DOJ”.

The foundation came to life after Mr. Rittenhouse met with representatives Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert, where he pitched his idea of helping others like him become better patriots.

The two congresswomen donated 1.2 million from their political action committees as seed money. Contributions were also made by the National Rifle Association and numerous on-line donors, resulting in over 4 million dollars in initial seed funding.

The charter of the Foundation states, in part, that its purpose is “to provide free firearms, ammunition and self defense training to disadvantaged and at-risk youth in order to ensure their survival in a world that is increasingly hostile to American Patriots.”

The Foundation had come under fire after it came to light that it had paid over $250,000 for a flight into space for Wendy Rittenhouse, Kyle’s mother, as well as a fancy new astronaut suit that had to be custom tailored due to her somewhat unusual dimensions.

We attempted to contact Marjorie Taylor Greene for comment, but were informed that she was indisposed due to a private yoga session with her gym instructor in the basement workout room of the Comet Ping Pong Pizza parlor.

However, we were able to speak to Lauren Boobert as she was taking a break from training congressional cafeteria staff in guerilla warfare tactics. Ms. Boobert did not mince words:

“This is an abomination! How dare they! First they cancel Christmas and now they want to cancel kids?

Good thing I’m almost training the cafeteria staff. We’re gonna show the Communists in the Justice Department how real American Patriots deal with fascists! Let’s go guys!”

Wendy Rittenhouse’s custom tailored suborbital flight suit

American Potatriots™ around the country need to stand up for injustices such as this. We will update our report as new information emerges and when/if Marjorie Taylor Greene and her gym instructor are done with their “yoga” session.

About Watt A Plonker 43 Articles
Watt A. Plonker is a Wurlitzer Prize winning journalist and author of several books on Potato Farming. His latest book, "The Tantalizing Truth About Taters" was on the New York Times best seller list and was awarded the prestigious Creme de la Menthe prize for Culinary Science Fiction. Mr. Plonker lives in Peckham, South East London with his wife Gladys, who is a nurse with the National Health Service, and his pet hamster Rodney.