Trump: ‘I Will Pardon Any Patriot Who Joins the Fight Against BLM or ANTIFA!’

patriots unite!

President Donald J. Trump took things to an entirely new level as he apparently, via Twitter (as the president so often prefers), offered to pardon any of his supporters who join his fight against either the Black Lives Matter movement or ANTIFA.

While it was unclear whether his offer of a pardon was related to current or future activities against the two groups, or was a blanket pardon for previously committed crimes, the tweet nevertheless signaled a willingness to forgive his acolytes their sins in exchange for supporting the cause, which is something he has offered to do numerous times in the past. Needless to say, patriots from all around the country are ecstatic at the offer.

The tweet, since deleted and apparently beset by the same auto-correct issues that have plagued the president on his iPhone in the past, does offer a glimpse into his current thinking: it is obvious that the president meant to say “pardon” and not “fart on.”

Anyone with an iPhone will be able to verify this. Maybe. Or maybe it’s only obvious to taters. Sane people wouldn’t actually believe this.

Anyhoo, for the idiots who continue to believe this obviously bullshit story, we decided to interview Kayleigh McEnany, As usual, she was eager to defend the president, even when told this was a made-up article:

“The president would never fart on anyone, especially not his supporters. It’s FAKE NEWS, people! We all know that Twitter and the deep state like to make fun out of our president, but this takes the cake. It is high time the the Big Tech companies are held to account and stop making the president look like the fool that he is.”

Grand Boogaloo Cletus Derpfinger of the 13th Division of the 3.5% Near Beer Militia in East Cupcake, Alabama could only echo Ms. McEnany’s remarks:

“Heck, we will follow are presidunce to hell and back. I ain’t gonna care about no spelling auto correct thingy on his them thar tweets. Anything he tweets is good enough for me.”

If you’re still with us, you just might be a true Potatriot™. Bless your heart. And wear a damn mask.

About Watt A Plonker 28 Articles
Watt A. Plonker is a Wurlitzer Prize winning journalist and author of several books on Potato Farming. His latest book, "The Tantalizing Truth About Taters" was on the New York Times best seller list and was awarded the prestigious Creme de la Menthe prize for Culinary Science Fiction. Mr. Plonker lives in Peckham, South East London with his wife Gladys, who is a nurse with the National Health Service, and his pet hamster Rodney.

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