President Outlines ‘BidenCare’ In Rose Garden Speech


If you cheered when former president Trump went after the Affordable Care Act, or, “Obamacare”, throwing millions of Americans off of their health coverage and replacing it with absolutely nothing just in time for a global pandemic, you’re probably not going to like the meat of the speech given by President Biden yesterday.

Standing stop the veranda in the historic White House rose garden that was nearly destroyed by former First Lady and handkerchief model Melania Trump, Biden outlined the Completely Affordable Care Act, or, “CACA”, in front of an assembled press corp and the San Dimas High School football team, who had won second place in a history report presentation.

ALLOD’s Sandy Batt was live at the scene with a microphone as well as two turntables.

“I’m here to introduce a new health care plan to replace, refund, and reinvigorate the Affordable Care Act, which my predecessor Diaper Doody Donny decided to completely hamstring and then forget about.  This new act is essentially exactly the same as what you’re familiar with as ‘Obamacare’, but better.”

“Along the same lines, my program will update coverage, provide complimentary recreational marijuana, free shiatsu massages, and Biden/Harris 2024 T-shirts.  Everyone who signs up will also get to meet one of the original Beatles at the White House. Unfortunately, Paul will be unavailable for this promotion.  Thank you.”

“Good news Billy! We’ll finally be able to afford Gorilla glue to keep that pesky ear of yours on!”

During a question-and-answer period following the impromptu press conference, Biden related that the plan would be paid for by emptying the social security coffers and eliminating medicare within a year, since they will become obsolete and, frankly, cover mostly only people who voted for Trump twice.

BidenCare, although well-outlined and nearly prepared to launch thanks to building on the Obamacare infrastructure that remains unmolested by a certain weeble-shaped orange kanker sore, is still a few months away from being universally available.  Even to illegal aliens.  Why not.  This is America!

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