Biden to Offer Mike Pence Low-Level Cabinet Position as Reward for Loyalty

In a bombshell decision last night that all but confirms the Vice President as a traitor to Donald Trump and our country, Joe Biden has offered Mike Pence a low-level position in his cabinet. 

This is clearly a reward for ushering Biden into office by certifying the election on January 6, and a slap in the face to all who supported Pence over the last four years, especially Donald Trump.

Pence will be given the title Grand Moff.  The little known and rarely assigned position, last held by Henry Kissinger during Nixon’s first term, will give him authority over all cabinet-level appointees not overseen directly by the president. 

The EPA, CIA, and White House Chief of Staff will all have to answer to Pence.

A long time ago in a land far, far away, the title of Grand Moff was a political title in the hierarchy of the Ottoman Empire.  Grand Moffs were governors of Oversectors, which were grouped parishes and sectors that demonstrated signs of unrest. Oversectors and the rank of Grand Moff were both created at the suggestion of Governor Wilhuff Tarkinin 14 BCE.  Tarkin became the first-ever Grand Moff.  As a symbol of their charge, Grand Moffs bore a rank insignia plaque with twelve colored squares—a row of six blue squares over a row of three red and three gold ones.

It is also rumored that Pence and his wife, Mother, are abandoning their Christian beliefs to better serve the Democratic Party.  He was overheard in a conversation in the Capitol Rotunda with Nancy Pelosi saying,

“My sad devotion to that ancient religion was not enough to keep Trump in office, so I’m adopting a new plan in life.  Joe has shown us there is another path.” 

He then immediately followed Richard Dawkins on Twitter.

Speaking of Twitter, Pence was seen drinking at Proper 21K, a popular DC bar, with AOC and the rest of the “Squad”, joking about how he still had a Twitter account while his soon to be former boss, Donald Trump, didn’t.  A low blow, to be sure, but also an acknowledgment of what he has always been. A traitor.

About Benjamin Thompson 102 Articles
Recruited to ALLOD as a POE before I even knew what a POE was. Right handed, avid golfer and cook. I play 5 musical instruments proficiently and work often as an audio engineer in both recording studios and live music venues throughout the SF Bay Area. I do some of my best work when I'm slightly drunk. Never smoked a cigarette in my life. Cheers!!

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