Betty Ford Clinic Names Luxury Suite After Nancy Pelosi

The Betty Ford Clinic has a long history of counseling some of America’s most well-known substance abusers. From Ellen DeGeneres to Rush Limbaugh, the clinic has never played politics…until now.

Frequent flyer Nancy Pelosi has been a mainstay at the Betty Ford Clinic for three decades. Despite constantly breaking their rules, she has never been turned away. Her frequent visits and subsequent donations have apparently garnered her great favor in the storied clinic, and now they are naming a luxury suite after her.

The “Nancy Pelosi Suite” includes mirrored ceilings, a quarter operated vibrating bed and a bedside hot tub. Occupants of the suite are allowed privileges not afforded to lesser patients. These include limited cocktail service, in-room massage, and free PronHub Premium access.

Nancy Pelosi Suite at Betty Ford Clinic

Norbert Reynolds, the customer relations manager for the clinic, tells us,

“The new suite is attracting people we never imagined would come here. I can’t mention anyone by name, but ‘AOC’ will be admitted next week.”

While it does seem unfair that a notorious drunk like Nancy Pelosi would get a suite named after her at such a prestigious substance abuse clinic, perhaps we should take it into perspective? Her record in congress is abhorrent.

Her personal life, as demonstrated in the hair salon scandal, is even worse. Donating so much money to a clinic she has stayed in so often maybe the silver lining on her otherwise dark and tarnished legacy.

Pelosi herself was quoted regarding her donations to the clinic, “It is a far, far better thing that I do than I have ever done.”

Maybe this is the recompense for her undeniably evil past, or simply setting herself up for future visits. Either way, favored clients of the Betty Ford Clinic will be much more comfortable in the future thanks to her generous donations.

About Benjamin Thompson 36 Articles
Recruited to ALLOD as a POE before I even knew what a POE was. Right handed, avid golfer and cook. I play 5 musical instruments proficiently and work often as an audio engineer in both recording studios and live music venues throughout the SF Bay Area. I do some of my best work when I'm slightly drunk. Never smoked a cigarette in my life. Cheers!!

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