Obama Masks Outselling Trump This Halloween

HORRIFYING!

Halloween is one of the most festive and well-loved holidays of the year.  It’s a time when children can feast on candy and dress as their heroes or their villains or anyone or anything in-between.   It also adds billions to the U.S. economy, considering the confections, decorations, lights, and of course, costumes and masks.

Only moderately popular is this ensemble depicting Mike Pence’s mother.

According to Sandy Batt, who functions as the CEO of Silver Shamrock, the largest Halloween mask manufacturer in the country, this year’s top-selling disguise, like the last five years running, is Barack Obama, America’s beloved 44th President.  In contrast, the company’s sales of current President Donald Trump’s face and business suit outfit have fallen over 600% from last year.

Batt has a theory or two about why the Obama masks remain the most popular of her products and why Trump’s unfortunate face has become little more than a despised airless basketball.

“The thing is, everyone still loves President Obama, and the worse and more stupid Trump gets on a daily basis, the more the public yearn for the days of his leadership.  I know we’re definitely considering sending the Donald masks straight to the dollar stores because it’s less of a Halloween gimmick to wear his face, and more of admitting you’re a kid who doesn’t want any friends and says he has ‘severe dandruff’ to get out of gym class.  No one wants to be Trump on Halloween for the same reason nobody wants to be one of the Huckabees in real life – it’s basically begging to be booted in the balls and have your windpipe forcibly farted down.”

Windpipe Fart Damage has affected many well-known figures such as Ted “For Sure the Zodiac” Cruz.

The Trump mask is limping along this year on the sales charts around the 647th position out of 648.  But just like in real-life, the festive pretend-President is sandwiched as a human being between pop music’s Phil Collins and murderous rapist Jeffrey Dahmer.  That isn’t exactly the best of company.

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