Attempted Kidnapping of Lindsey Graham by LGBTQ Group Foiled

YMCA!

Reports have just surfaced that a kidnapping plan for US Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina by the radical LGTBQ activist group the Southern Rainbow Collective (SRC)  has been foiled.

The elaborate plan was thwarted by unknown sources in Seneca, South Carolina. 

The plot allegedly involved a staged fundraising dinner at the local Daughters of the American Revolution assembly hall.

Graham was to deliver a short address to his supporters, who would each have paid a modest $250,000 per plate to attend the event.

During his speech, people disguised as Romani Gypsy women would lure away his security contingency with their feminine wiles. At this point, Graham would be bound and gagged and escorted to a hidden base in the hills just outside of Mountain Rest, South Carolina. 

The arrests came easier than expected as the perpetrators essentially gave up upon securing Graham. SRC leader Aaron Randall Heiner (Dem. SC) told authorities,

“His outfit was just horrid. The suit was some sort of unwilling cotton blend. It was like hospital gauze meets q-tip clippings. Honey, we just don’t do blends like that. I couldn’t imagine having that in my car.”

SRC henchman Kelly Carlson (Ind. SC) was made uncomfortable when Graham allegedly told her to tighten his wrist restraints a bit more and also asked for a choke collar.

“This was supposed to be an abduction, not a play session. Don’t get me wrong. I love to get down, but even I don’t get down like that.”

Graham, himself, seemed reluctant to be released. You could see the sparkle leave his eye as authorities undid his restraints and escorted him to EMTs for a quick check on his condition.

He was overheard telling one of the EMTs, “I hope you’re as much fun as that last group.”

About Benjamin Thompson 105 Articles
Recruited to ALLOD as a POE before I even knew what a POE was. Right handed, avid golfer and cook. I play 5 musical instruments proficiently and work often as an audio engineer in both recording studios and live music venues throughout the SF Bay Area. I do some of my best work when I'm slightly drunk. Never smoked a cigarette in my life. Cheers!!

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