AOC to Star in Revamp of ‘A Nightmare on Elm Street’

The 80’s horror classic ‘A Nightmare on Elm Street’ is set for a revamp, and Hollywood has called upon Democratic representative from New York Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez to be the featured scream queen.

Producers also considered Meryl Streep, Jennifer Lawrence, and Ellen DeGeneres for the role, but decided AOC had the right look and voice for the part. 

Producers told reporters,

“Within the lore of ‘A Nightmare on Elm Street’, Freddy Kruger can only exist if people are afraid of him. People’s fear is his life-force. Alexandria truly believes in Freddy, and is genuinely afraid of him.  We simply couldn’t find another actress out there with this irrational fear. She’s just perfect for the role.”

The news has sparked rumors that AOC will use the role to somehow promote her Green New Deal, much in the way Stanley Kubrick manipulated Stephen King’s ‘The Shining’ to promote his own liberal agenda.

Producers, however, insist the remake will be true to the original, and the only agenda in the film will be Freddy Kruger’s wanton lust for killing people in their sleep. 

Many are skeptical of AOC’s ability to carry a starring role in a Hollywood movie. As she’s clearly displayed in congress and in many interviews, she has difficulty with basic words and often starts sentences over again. 

Leaked documents have shown that her reading and comprehension levels are that of a 5th grader. This may prove to be more work than the editors signed up for. 

Upon receiving news that she got the part, AOC told TMZ, “It’s like a dream come true.  I mean, like, who hasn’t dreamed of being in a movie?  I’ve been watching a lot of movies to prepare myself for the role, and I really think, like, I could be the next big thing in Hollywood.  Like, it’s possible.”

While AOC is dimwitted and generally bad for America, there is a possible silver lining in all this. If she should succeed in Hollywood, perhaps she will stay out of politics.

With this in mind, we all hope the remake of ‘A Nightmare on Elm Street’ is a huge success. 

About Benjamin Thompson 70 Articles
Recruited to ALLOD as a POE before I even knew what a POE was. Right handed, avid golfer and cook. I play 5 musical instruments proficiently and work often as an audio engineer in both recording studios and live music venues throughout the SF Bay Area. I do some of my best work when I'm slightly drunk. Never smoked a cigarette in my life. Cheers!!

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