DHS Reports Record Number of Amnesty Applications

THERE GOES AMERICA.

In the lead-up to election 2020, President Trump has made a number of accusations against his competitor Joe Biden, claiming that he intends to embark on a process of providing amnesty to millions of the undocumented.

Of course, this concept is completely and totally untrue, as are nearly all of the bulbous leader’s statements, owing to his mental decline and constant habit of fear-mongering to his elderly and racist base.

“We love the Coronavirus! Four more years! Or…as close as we can get!”

Neither candidate, nor any politician from either side of the fence, for that matter, has proposed any kind of amnesty.  But according to Sandy Batt, who heads the Division of Outright Lies by Fat Old Blumpkins for the Department of Homeland Security, that hasn’t stopped a virtual landslide of THX-1138 forms from piling in to the department’s mailbags, applications for amnesty.

“The fictional form THX-1138 is filed through our department by aliens seeking to simply bypass all qualifications and processes for legal citizenship,” Batt explained.  “It does not in any way exist because it isn’t going to, and, realistically, can not happen.

However, Trump’s cauldron of human dipshits, his followers, seem to believe it’s just that easy, and that his rival will magically make it happen when he is elected.  Taco trucks on every corner.  All their precious non-union backbreaking minimum wage jobs lost.

Really, if you want to be honest, they’re afraid of brown men banging their white women and making babies.  Ice T predicted that decades ago.  Maybe we should run him for office.  He did say Body Count’s in the house.”

“I’m ready to go. We gonna make my Presidency like XXX 2…2.”

The amnesty applications will take at least a month to process through the Department before President Biden will be able to rubber-stamp them all while spreading socialism through America and raising taxes.

Many have pointed out, though, that even at his age, the Democrat has always done well at multitasking.

Will John Q. Citizen still be comfortable in a new future filled with accordion music and fireworks on the fifth of May?

Let us know by calling our opinion line and pressing “2” for English.

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